So, I've been on and off the "distance athlete" wagon for years. It started in junior high, when I first discovered competitive swimming. Although I was mostly a middle-distance swimmer, I also did my fair share of long races (especially long IMs, because I was one of the few on the team who could guarantee I wouldn't get disqualified for bad form on the butterfly stroke - my butterfly was slow, but my technique was *on point*). I stuck with swimming through my first year of high school, but between getting teased pretty mercilessly by a particularly evil classmate for my "thunder thighs" and "bowlegs" (yup, really! That girl was an asshole and I can only hope she grew up to be at least marginally less of an asshole, although if her Facebook page is any indication, I have serious doubts), and discovering that I was actually good at a bunch of time-consuming things like working on the school newspaper and competing in mock trial, I dropped the five-times-a-week practices in favor of more academic pursuits.
I intermittently dieted and rode an exercise bike to nowhere for the rest of HS, but never really found another sport to call home. I discovered running in college, mostly because I was obsessed with burning calories at the time and moving faster = more calories burned in less time! (Smart, college self, smart.) Over time, I grew to enjoy running for its own sake, and by the time I'd gotten out of grad school and started my career, I was running half marathons for fun. Then, well, I got hurt, and I got bored, and life got in the way, and, with the exception of a period of about 4 months around 4 years ago where I was running consistently again and a brief flirtation with CrossFit about two years ago, I haven't been consistently active since. And every year, right around my birthday in early May, I start to think "I should do something! I need to lose some weight!" And I start a new routine for a few weeks, and then eventually it dies out - I don't lose enough weight fast enough to stay motivated, I sign up for a race I'm not ready for and either don't make it to the starting line or ruin some necessary body part in the course of trying to get myself to the finish line - and I give up. I quit, and I hibernate, and I pack on the pounds, and that's just what I've been doing for the last 5 years/30 lbs.
So, what's different this time? Honestly, I'm different. I'm 31. I'm not a kid. I'm sick and tired of not being in shape, of talking about the activities I used to do. I'm tired of not being fit enough to progress in my horseback riding lessons (because it's tough to move up to jumping when you get winded cantering!). I'm done feeling ineffective and lazy.
Also, I'm done trying to lose weight. Counterintuitive, right? But here's the thing - if weight loss is your only goal, and weight loss doesn't happen (or doesn't happen fast enough), where does that leave you? I know where it leaves me - discouraged and sitting over in the quitter's corner with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and an entire season of Dance Moms cued up on my iPad. This year, my goal has nothing to do with my weight - it's about accomplishing the things I've always secretly dreamed of - finishing a triathlon. Finishing a marathon. Maybe, even, in another year or two, finishing an Ironman. I want to be a distance athlete - I want to be the kind of person who goes and pushes and (to borrow a catchphrase from the inspirational and inimitable Swim Bike Mom) who Just Keep(s) Moving Forward. And maybe, in training for all of that, and preparing for all of that, I will lose weight. And maybe I won't. But I don't have to be a certain weight for my training to "count" - the miles I run and bike, the laps I swim, they count whether I'm fat or thin or anywhere in between.
For the first time, I'm thinking of training not as war on my body, but as creating a partnership with my body. I'm not running off fat, I'm storing miles in my legs so they'll be there for me when I need them on the back half of my first marathon. I'm not swimming to get slim, I'm swimming so my arms and legs are ready to carry me through my first sprint tri (which is in two and a half weeks, because hey, go big or go home, right?). I might never lose weight, but I WILL finish my races. I WILL become a marathon runner. I WILL become a triathlete - those are the things I can control, no matter my size, and those are my goals now.
It's funny, but just when I was coming to the realization of what I wanted to do, and how my training will be different this year, I stumbled across this magnet in a TJ Maxx:
And it was so perfect, so absolutely the thing I needed to see, that I bought it. And every time I think about skipping or skimping out on a run, or not going to spin class, or skipping a swim, I take a moment, and I tap the magnet that now lives on the side of my refrigerator, and I head out the door and get my work done. Because I know what I'll wish I had done today - and the daily reminder that the work I do today, in this workout, on this run, is getting me ready for the things I want to get done next week, next month, next year, was absolutely worth the $1.50.
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